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          情感故事

          聰明的女人,從不會對男人說這幾句話

          懂得好好說話的家庭,往往幸福感更強。所以,在戀愛和婚姻中,為了讓愛情走得更長久,這幾句話千萬不要說。
          聰明的女人,從不會對男人說這幾句話

          01

          你怎么這么沒用

          阿輝是一名程序員,妻子小曼是一家房產公司的銷售。

          這幾年小曼憑著自己嫻熟的業務能力和高超的談判技巧,在公司混得風生水起,不僅加了薪,還升職為片區經理。

          而反觀阿輝,在一家網絡公司呆了兩三年,無論是收入還是職位,都沒有太大的變化,唯一有變化的就是他的體重和日漸稀少的頭發。

          夫妻兩個人的差距越拉越大,漸漸地,小曼的抱怨多了起來,她經常掛在嘴邊的一句話就是:“你怎么這么沒用。”

          你怎么這么沒用,這么多年還是這么點工資?

          你怎么這么沒用,這點小事都做不好,還指望你做什么?

          你怎么這么沒用,能不能像個男人一樣,有點擔當?

          ........

          剛開始,阿輝覺得小曼工作壓力大,心情不好,讓她罵幾句也沒什么,反正不會少塊肉。可是阿輝的退讓,并沒有讓小曼停止抱怨,反而愈演愈烈。

          阿輝說:“天天被自己的老婆說沒用,讓我覺得自己糟糕透了”。傷透了心的他向小曼提出了離婚,結束了這段婚姻。

          婚姻走到這一步,連小曼自己都沒想到,會因為幾句話葬送了自己的幸福。

          在戀愛和婚姻中,最忌諱的就是詆毀愛人。

          男人其實非常在意自己在妻子心里的地位,在一個家庭中,如果妻子總是嫌棄丈夫沒用,經常說打擊的話語,他真的會因此喪失自信。

          陳達萌在《好老公是夸出來的》一書中寫到:

          聰明的妻子應該能夠敏感地察覺到男人身處的環境,了解他的困境和難處,替他分擔,為他解憂,而不是只會給男人壓力、臭臉和嘮叨。

          聰明的女人,大都相信并尊重自己的丈夫,她們懂得鼓勵和夸獎,讓他越干越有動力,越干越有激情,心甘情愿地為家庭做出越來越多的貢獻。

          聰明的女人,從不會對男人說這幾句話
          02

          都是為了你,我才......

          萍萍和大軍是在工作中認識的,結婚后,按照當地的習俗,萍萍去了大軍的老家。

          婚姻的頭兩年,兩人生活還算甜蜜,可自從萍萍生完孩子后,一切都變了。日子稍有點不順心,萍萍就會對大軍哭訴:

          我嫁的這么遠,都是為了你,不然我才想在這破地方受氣......要不是為了你,我也不會辭掉工作,只在家帶孩子!

          最初大軍還會哄哄她,可時間久了,次數多了,也疲憊了。后來大軍干脆夜不歸宿,在公司加班或者和朋友在外面喝酒,連敷衍都懶得敷衍了。

          原本一段幸福的婚姻,在萍萍的抱怨聲中被越推越遠。

          在婚姻中,有時候夫妻爭執不休,女人感到委屈時,總是會忍不住抱怨道:“都是為了你,我才……”

          她們希望通過這種方式得到丈夫的理解和心疼,可很多男人在心情糟糕時聽到這樣的話不僅不會理解,反而會更加煩躁。

          “都是為了你”這句話帶著太多的不情愿與怨念,就好像不得已才為之的行為,言語中透露出的“都怨你”之意,給對方帶來巨大的壓力,誰聽了會舒服?

          你選擇和他在一起,肯定是因為愛情。夫妻過日子,應該是為了我們才如何如何,而不是為了你,我才如何如何。

          如果婚姻變成了將就,那樣只會讓日子變成煎熬。

          兩個人在一起,一定是因為你自己,是為了自己的幸福才走向他。如此,婚姻才能長久。

          聰明的女人,從不會對男人說這幾句話
          03

          我真是瞎了眼才會嫁給你

          姑父為人忠厚老實,只希望憑著自己的勤勞,讓一家人衣食無憂。

          但姑姑是個愛折騰的主,她最大的夢想就是做城里人,不用呆在農村種地,然后幫兒子娶個有文化的姑娘。

          前幾年,她看小叔做生意不錯,便讓姑父跟著一塊去。

          姑父不情愿,覺得自己不是做生意的料,她便破口大罵:“老天爺,我是造了什么孽,才嫁給你這個沒出息的男人,連做生意都不敢.......”

          架不住姑姑半個多月的撒潑打諢,姑父只能放下家里的一切,跟著小叔去大城市做生意。

          可跟土地打了半輩子交道的他,完全沒有做生意的經驗,加上口才不行,一年下來,賠了個精光。

          自從姑父做生意失敗后,姑姑脾氣越來越暴躁,常常因為一些小事和姑父吵架,下雨沒收衣服要吵,菜放多了鹽要吵,每次都要順帶一句“我真是瞎了眼才會嫁給你,嫁給誰都比嫁給你強。”

          再老實的人也是有脾氣的,姑姑的無理取鬧,讓姑父完全失去了耐心,兩人差點為此離了婚。最后還是看在孩子的份上,才保住了這段婚姻。

          很多人總覺得男人是無堅不摧的,說他幾句也無傷大雅。可外表再怎樣堅強,內心也有柔軟脆弱的時候,他們偶爾也需要安慰和肯定。

          換種語言說給對方聽,多夸夸自己的丈夫,給他肯定;多理解理解自己的丈夫,給他支持,這樣真的能讓彼此之間的相處更加愉悅。

          有些女人,在發現男人身上存在的一些小缺點之后,往往會對自己的選擇產生質疑,質疑自己怎么會選擇這樣一個男人相伴終生。

          但你想過沒有,你在否定對方的同時,也是在否定當初選擇這個男人的你自己。

          一個聰明的女人,從來都不會后悔自己的選擇,也不會抱怨現在的生活,更不會對男人說:“我真是瞎了眼才會嫁給你!”
          聰明的女人,從不會對男人說這幾句話

          04

          王小波在給李銀河的情書里,曾經這樣寫道:

          “只希望你和我好,互不猜忌,也互不稱譽,安如平日,你和我說話像對自己說話一樣,我和你說話也像對自己說話一樣。”

          在一段感情中,最怕的就是不能好好說話。一句傷人的話,你說過就忘了,可是被你傷害的那個人卻永遠不會忘記,他需要好久才能讓傷口愈合。

          人都是有感情的,雙方的磁場是互動的,你溫柔對他,他必細語柔情,你咄咄逼人,他必惡語相加。

          夫妻間相處,尊重比責怪重要,一句我愛你總比一句傷害的話要美得多。

          好的感情,是從一次次的好好說話中培養出來的。你尊重了他,他也會尊重你,更會把你放在心尖上。

          幸福的家庭,需要好好對待愛你與你愛的人,因為有愛,每句話都要好好說。

          - END -

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